Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
