I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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