You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
