Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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