my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
