Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
