Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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