Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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