She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
