I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
