I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
