he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
