i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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