shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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