Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
