just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
