Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
