I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
