You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize