I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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