It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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