I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
someone owes me an orgasm
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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