We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
