I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
