cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
