This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
