He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize