Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
