Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize