Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
