remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize