I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
