Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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