I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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