Just cropdusted the office
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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