the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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