.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
