wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
