I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
