put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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