I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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