Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize