I love black thongs
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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