I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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