farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
