oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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