I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
