I cockslap morals
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
