Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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