he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
