i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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