Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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