when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
