Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
