pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
