sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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