drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
