I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
