I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
