god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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