hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
