ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
